You did what to a Ninja Assassin?

I remember turning on Kerrang!  after school and watching for hours with my sisters, our parents begging us to turn it off. (Needless to say, we would just go to our rooms and blast the exact same songs until the house shook). One of the songs we were OBSESSED with was I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and when I found out over the weekend that a new Panic! At The Disco music video had been released I jumped straight on to YouTube to see it.

My 15-year-old EMO self is fangirling so hard right now.

The video opens with a Breaking News report that an ancient artefact, known as the Devils Key has been stolen, and leads to some men dressed as ninjas entering a suburban home. On entering the bedroom, our ninja assassins (decked out with knives, crowbars and spiked baseball bats) encounter Brendan Urie, who exits the bathroom after hearing a text message alert on his phone. Brendan Urie, who is preparing for a hot date, comes out of the bathroom buttoning up his shirt and what do we see him tuck underneath – THE DEVILS KEY!

He goes about finishing getting ready for his date, pulling out ties and then tying them together. What for you ask? FOR AN EPIC TAKEDOWN INVOLVING A FAN! Then we have a scene where Brendan takes down a couple of other assassins and it includes quite a bit of blood. It seriously looks like Quentin Tarantino was involved in the making of this video.

Blood on the walls. Blood on the floor. It’s like Django Unchained in here!

One quick fix of his hair later, and another assassin has chosen his window and he’s flying out of it. An EPIC entrance later, and Brendan is blowing them all away with his epic guitar skills (really he explodes his MASSIVE wall speaker with one strum on his guitar).

Just your usual badass entrance pulling on sunglasses inside…no biggie!

Next, we get to see his legendary knife skills in the kitchen with a nice, clean-cut through a hand. The knife comes in handy pun intended for another takedown, as does the pasta sauce that he is making for his date. Seriously, a guy who cooks you dinner? SIGN. ME. UP! I think Brendan has been watching Season 1 of Wynonna Earp because next, he uses a move with spaghetti that Waverly Earp uses when she scissors a stripper, and he rams it through the assassin’s ear before blowing up the microwave.


Spaghetti’d a Ninja Assassin doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Next, we have a stick of dynamite which would make any Doc Holliday jealous (I really like Wynonna Earp OK and will not excuse myself for these references!) before his date appears at the door. And let me just say his date? WOW! A blonde vixen in black leather. She doesn’t care about the death and destruction in the suburban home, and she smacks her lips on Brendan’s, taking us for a tour of the house before landing on a dusty sofa. Brendan seems to think he is going to get lucky, and tries to rip off his shirt like Superman, only to receive a swift kick to the balls, right at his high note.  A couple of punches and a baseball bat to the face later, and the Devil’s Key is now in the possession of our Blonde Vixen, who runs off before the Police can catch her.

It’s appropriate to send this to guys who piss me off, right?

There were SOOO many points in this video that I shouted at my TV, but one I mainly recall is the ‘F*** YEAH’ when our Blonde Vixen went for the nut sack. The number of guys that I wish I could have done that too is numerous (including the guy who decided it was a good idea to LEGIT PUNCH MY ASS as I sat down in Starbucks to write this article – what is wrong with some people?!), and for it to be timed perfectly with the note that can only be sung if that happens.

I honestly just adore this video, and I adore Panic! in general. At the same time that this video was released, Panic! had the first show of their upcoming tour, and included in their tour band line up was a FEMALE BASSIST! I can honestly say that I will be trying my hardest to get a ticket to this tour where my 15-year-old EMO self will be fangirling so hard at something she wished she could do.

Pray For The Wicked will be available everywhere June 22, 2018.

Written by Christine

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