TV

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 402 Recap: NSFW

Previously on ‘Wynonna Earp’

-Waverly and Doc are stuck in the garden and have to feed a bloodthirsty machine whenever it throws a temper tantrum
-BFF’s Wynonna and Nicole meet Rachel Valdez and beat up some Zombies
-Nicole takes Wynonna’s place on the grate and falls before she is found in the Garden
-DADDY HAUGHT

Got it? OK, let’s Earp it up!

We open the episode with Wynonna trying to reach Nicole to see if she is still alive, but she should be worried about the mutant scientist zombies coming for her brains right now, but at least Rachel has her back right? She hits a home run with her shiv-less baseball bat before dragging her away before the rest of the hoard can reach them and they become their next snack.

Does anyone remember how we left things in the Garden? Well, Nicole was a ‘little’ naked and had just been found by Doc who asks the all-important questions. How is she there, and why did she not come fully clothed? Using his hat as a cover-up, Doc all but tells Nicole she has nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of while Nicole tries to pull a Wynonna and ‘Nope’ herself out of her current predicament. Ever the gentleman, Doc tries to offer her one of his two jackets but Nicole is surrounded by a forcefield A La Waverider which does not let anything in or out. Needing a new plan of attack, Doc vamps out of these to find the only other person left in the Garden to help, Waverly.

It turns out Waverly is having a little bit of ‘Me time’ by the fire with the book she picked up in the last episode, but we still can’t see the name on the book. They are losing more memories in the Garden with Waverly no longer remembering if they built the fire. Doc must be able to smell the Angel Blood because he can tell that Waverly’s hand is cut and that she fed the lemon squeezer machine of death. Waverly, it seems, has made it her mission to protect the Garden, like her father before her. She is the half-angel progeny of a full angel and a human and is no longer a child. That is her reasoning and she is sticking by it! Also, how many of have used the ‘I am an adult!’ argument with anyone in our lives who question the decisions that we make? Doc doesn’t have time to get into it though, proclaiming that Nicole is in the Garden and that Waverly will like what she sees.

Back at BBD Zombie HQ, Wynonna and Rachel are still trying to find their way to the basement. They hide behind some oil drums because these zombies are not clickers and can’t tell that is where they are hiding based on all the noise they are making. Need some more background on what BBD are doing here? Guess in the middle of a Zombie attack is as good as any.

Wynonna (probably): I’m the queen of comebacks around here. I’m a freaking bomerang!

The pre-zombie scientists were working on a portal to the other side, like Warrior Nun style portal, and when it worked, BBD freaked TF out and decided to gas everyone inside, because that is a smart plan. Anyway, Wynonna and Rachel decide to have a game of Quiplash while mutant zombie scientists run about overhead. There is a back door entrance to the back door entrance to the Garden, so it seems, and Wynonna and Rachel hightail it out of Mutant Central before they can come up with a secret handshake.

The Full Monty Nicole gets her reunion with Waverly, but even the Bisexual Angel cannot get through the force field keeping Nicole by the tree. Even without being able to be side by side, the reunion is still emotional with Waverly wanting to check in on Wynonna and everyone else back in Purgatory, but Nicole is there alone with her.

Or is she?

Cut to our Haught Cop laying on the floor with her chin burst open, unable to move but calling out for her bestie, Wynonna. Maybe shouting was not a good idea though because she has woken up a Zombie that managed to get into the same room that she is in. Silver lining? He can’t seem to move much either.

Wynonna and Rachel are getting their Covid Chic on with full-blown hazmat suits. Face mask haters had better stop watching here because things are about to get real covered! They are on a quest to find some key cards in the lab which are around the necks of some zombies to get into the gate room, and oh, they can’t wake them up while they do it or its lunchtime.

Nicole is putting on her own fashion show in the Garden with something from Circe’s new swimwear line but is interrupted by the machines strobe lights having a temper tantrum. After Nicole asks what happens if it is not fed, Doc decided that it’s not worth the risk to find out and zips off to give the machine its breakfast. Slim fast with the flavour blood anyone? No? Just one for the machine then. No longer a fan of the cage, Nicole pleads with Waverly as she needs to get out, probably to find some more appropriate attire, but Waverly is interrupted by the throne calling out for her to sit on it in some bullcrap to save the world. The only catch is that she turns into stone if she does. It is at this point things start to turn. Nicole starts harshing on Doc saying he only became a Vampire because he was just like the rest of us, scared to grow older and of dying. Waverly rightly calls her out on it and asks Nicole to put herself in Doc’s shoes.

Someone give Kat Barrell ALL of the awards!

Docs shoes are running towards the machine room, but instead of being able to give it its slurp, the room opens up door number two with those shoes running straight for it.

Time for the creepy science lab where everyone is wearing a different colour of lab coat, well blue and orange at least. That has to be significant right? It’s not just that Lab Coats R Us had a flash sale and ran out of orange? Wynonna’s mask starts to malfunction right on schedule for the zombie making his move towards Nicole in the next room. What do we say to the God of Death? Not Today! This is not how Nicole imagined dying, who sees Waverly beside her in a Sara Lance cosplay. I do love the payoffs to the fans this season! Don’t know what I’m talking about, just look at the Earpers (me included) and the writers who live-tweet DC’s Legends of Tomorrow. You know what I mean.

I also have dreams of a Sara Lance cosplay, but that is more so for me cosplaying but I need to work on my ARMS!

Waverly is asking more and more questions of Nicole, asking where Bulshars ring is that she proposed with, but again the question is avoided. Are anyone else’s Spidey senses tingling?

Wynonna is stuck on the lab with the malfunctioning mask in an oxygen-deprived room filled with zombies. Ready for Oxygen starved Wynonna? She is fast and furious with the comebacks and brings them faster than Doc can draw his gun. Not that it is fast enough though because Nicole’s new roommate is gaining more ground and grabs her leg before Wynonna can take him out with the baseball bat.

Doc has finally made his way into the next chamber, and it seems like the garden is on their side for once. It has three obelisks, which reflect the obelisks outside in the main garden area, but these show fragments of Nicole on one side and a demonic figure on the other. That is not our Nicole back there trapped in the force field! It is something else entirely and Doc hightails it out of there to get Waverly and forgets to give the machine its food. OOP.

Nicole, as it turns out, cannot move because her leg broke the fall, but it leaves her right in the spot where Wynonna needs her to give her the ring back. This proposal has fewer baby carrots and one less available lesbian. Wynonna is all for Nicole becoming her sister in law, as long as it means she makes an ‘honest woman’ out of Waverly as she is 100% sick of having to cover her ears with Christmas ear muffs whenever Wayhaught have sex, Who would blame Nicole for being alarmed at the fact that Wynonna has been listening? Wynonna’s proposal is a little different though as it involves less wedding and more Garden of Eden. It seems like Rachel has learned a thing or two about Wynonnus Interruptus though and interrupts BFF time to say no-one is getting into the Garden. The body of Dr Gloria Valdez is slumped over the console with her hand on the lever so that has got to make things a little awkward in with our Zombie Killers. At least Valdez isn’t a zombie so that’s a good thing, Rachel won’t have to kill her after all! It won’t stop her from pulling the gun on Wynonna though.

Faux-Haught is still trapped int he force field for now but is again harshing on Doc, but Waverly lets it slide again and just wants to know what is going on when the forcefield shatters and the pair make a break for it after grabbing Doc’s coat. I mean there’s snow outside so Nicole will be cold. Finally free, Waverly pulls Nicole in for a kiss, but something is different. She does not taste like Waverly’s Nicole, and in fact, tastes like Sulphur aka Brimstone! Finally, with Doc running and telling her and with the kiss, Waverly realises that yes, Faux-Haught is not her Haught. I mean that wasn’t enough to tell you that isn’t our Nicole, the slight shapeshift in Faux-Haught’s face is who reveals herself to be Eve.

Like THE Eve. The Eve that Kevin told us last season was a real bitch. Also the name of Willa Earp in the commune so I doubt that was a coincidence!

Back with the gun pointing at her, Wynonna tries to reason with Rachel with the help of Nicole, who isn’t helping. Wynonna tries to get Rachel to grow up but Nicole rats her out for knowing that Dr Gloria Valdez was dead all along. I don’t know if this next thing was supposed to be a Wicked reference but whenever I hear Nicole say her next line followed by Wynonna, all I can hear is ‘Were just two friends, two great friends, two best friends’ from One Short Day in Wicked and now I will never be able to un-hear it. It probably isn’t helped by the fact that I have Gelphie fan art right above my TV but that’s a different matter. Anyway, my heart will grow three sizes each time I hear Wynonna and Nicole say that they are each other’s best friends. Our BroTP Wynhaught is getting so much amazing screen time, and it isn’t even 407 yet!

Faux-Haught is dragging Waverly somewhere in the garden by her hair before being choked, and not in a good way, by Not-cole who makes the wrong move when she calls Doc a cowboy. Well Ma’am, does Doc have a few choice words for you and maybe a fist. Seems Eve is done with Nicole and shapeshifts into Jeremy, which interesting choice for the first shift against Doc. It is probably because of Jeremy’s little crush on Doc and Doc probably finds it endearing.

Time for some Parenting-101 with the real Nicole who tells Rachel that her mistakes do not define her. The prime example is Wynonna who has made so many mistakes but she always comes back a better person.No more time left for emotional moments though because the locked door can’t withstand a hoard of zombie scientists!

Does Jeremeve have a crush on Doc then?

Eve is still too busy taunting Doc, telling him to pick a side, but Doc is done with it and impales Jeremy on the garden shears, which have seen some stuff these last two episodes. Self decapitation and now impaling. Whoever brought them to the garden splurged and got the good ones! Eve is not done with the emotional torment and shifts into Wynonna who tells Doc she loves him. Like that is something Wynonna would admit to (well maybe to Nicole and Waverly but certainly not to Doc himself!) Waverly, knowing that she has to stop Eve from leaving, knocks Doc unconscious with her angel power and takes off for the throne.

The gate room is about to be overrun with Zombies and the gate still isn’t open. Wynonna, thinking juiceless, asks Rachel to give Nicole her gun, but she tosses it over to her without having the safety on and a stray bullet…Nope, this is not that show! Wynonna realises that they need to use the key cards and the garden portal instantly opens. Nicole, unable to get up, forces Wynonna to go into the garden alone to save Waverly and Doc, realising that it was always going to be Wynonna who had to save them. But where does that leave Nicole? Stuck in a room about to be overrun with Zombies? She promises that she will be waiting for Wynonna in Purgatory when she gets everyone back home. With the gate seconds away from closing, Wynonna makes a run and jump for it with Nicole throwing Bulshars ring after her before the doors close.

Wynonna is not the only Wynonna in the garden she soon finds out as Eve is stuck in Wynonna form, impaled with the shears to the concrete surround of one of the doors. This is not a Leda clone. This is Eve and she did not come to play. Waverly is on a mission and finds herself at the throne and walks around to the back before climbing on it and taking her seat on her fathers’ throne, instantly anchoring Eve where she stands.

Ready for some Nicole Rachel bonding time? Rachel believes she can’t do it anymore, what with their sanctuary about to be overrun by her mothers’ undead colleagues and all, but Nicole distracts her by getting Rachel to tell her about where she is from. Have you read the comic books? Then you already have an idea of what Valdez’ storyline is. We get a nice little call back to the comics here with Rachel telling the story of ‘The Valdez’, a Mayan Warrior Princess who proved her worth in the battlefield and was given a kingdom to rule over and was made immortal. Not a bad way to be rewarded. Storytime works though as it lets Rachel refocus on the task at hand and the pair set off a beaver blaster when the door fails.

What are we calling this BroTP then? RaeHaught?


Wynonna finds Doc in the garden, but of course, Eve last took on the appearance of Wynonna so he naturally does not believe it is the real Wynonna and the two get in some wrestling practice in the snow with a little interlude to give a recap of the season so far, which is only outshone by Olaf’s recap, to be honest. Wynonna tries everything she can to prove to Doc that she is the real Wynonna, but only the safe word ‘Dollywood’ works. And what a safe word that is! Wyndoc shippers rejoice!

Wynonna cuts the reunion short to go and save Waverly, who does not want to be saved, while Doc goes off in search of Eve once more. Waverly cannot allow Eve to leave, thinking it is her duty for some hopped up, brainwashed reason. A reason that makes her the heir, something that she wanted WAYYY back in season one but I don’t think she imagined it being quite like this. Wynonna being with Waverly seems to be weakening whatever spell is on Eve as she can now move, just in time for Doc to show up.

Time for the Jeremy feels again who tries to one-up Doc, only to be felled by Jeremy’s passion for Pop Culture giving Doc the upper hand in the fight. But only for a second as the two wrestle for control before Doc kicks Eve through one of the doors into a Vortex. I guess the garden prison is no longer needed without its prisoner and it starts to rumble.

Waverly is spouting some amount of destiny crap on the throne, but Destiny Schmestiny! Wynonna doesn’t give a shit about that anymore, what with the curse broken and all, and pulls out Bulshars ring and puts it on Waverly’s finger to remind her of the promise she made to Nicole when she proposed. If it is possible, Waverly saying ‘Wynonna, Help’ is even more painful than her screaming for Wynonna. After the ring is on her finger, Waverly is released from her throne, it is time to high tail it out of there to find another way to keep Eve in the garden.

‘Instead of my father you shall have me, not a full angel but beautiful as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!’

The Garden is having a rave and we see the machine with blood running down it, so who fed the machine? Who was fed to the machine? Is it just that the machine is failing and we had to know? I just have questions OK and I need answers.

The Rave of Doom has created a blizzard of doom and has locked all the red doors bar one which starts to glow with a weird ‘C’ above it Door number 5 it is then! But not before the ring makes its final appearance, or what could be its final appearance (I DON’T KNOW OK!) With Waverly tossing that tacky piece of junk into the garden and then tossing Wynonna through the door before she can finish her ‘Eating a Dick’ joke. The robbing of this joke is just as funny as us getting it.

At least the door was a one-way ticket back to Purgatory with Wynonna waking up back at the stairs. Sure she still doesn’t have Peacemaker which is gone now, but at least everyone is back in one piece, and not back in the well! Doc is back with an outfit change and with Waverlys book bag at the well and Waverly takes off for home to find Nicole.

Waverly does not get the welcome that she was expecting at the Homestead though, what with almost having her head shot off by a shotgun-toting, ‘Eat shit shiteater!’ Nicole Haught, who is surprisingly able to walk on her own despite having a leg that’s broken in three different places. She realises quickly that it is her fiancee that she never actually gave an answer to yet and the two quickly take their reunion inside after making sure the other is real.

We waited two years for this hug and this reunion and it did not disappoint!

Ok. Break time.

I WILL NOT be recapping this scene, for one reason and one reason only. We must be respectful. Kat and Dom (and Emily) gave us this amazing gift of a scene, and are we not gentle pervs? So what I will do is I will instead take a second to discuss what this scene represents.

When was the last time any of us saw a sex scene between two women in a TV show where it was positioned so romantically, that the romance of the scene takes precedence over the action? When was the last time that we saw a scene like this where there were no cuts away? When was the last time we saw a scene remotely like this that was not on ‘The L Word’? I honestly can’t think of a time. That is why this scene is so important. It is a step in normalising romantic sex scenes between two women. We get to see these scenes all the time between a man and a woman, and I am fed up of it! I skip those scenes now because I do not see myself accurately represented in them. I see myself (or a version of myself I guess) represented in this scene. It is what we have all been asking for for years, better LGBTQ+ representation on our screen. Why should we settle for what others have when everyone should be given more? When we should all be given a chance to see ourselves represented in the stories we love. This is why we all need to keep being as loud as we can be and keep fighting to see ourselves in the stories we love, whether it be stories about our sexuality, our gender or our ethnicity. It is what we all deserve after all!

Ok, moving on now because everyone has seen this scene probably a million times by now, but I do get giggly with happiness when I see it.

Wynonna and Doc get another reunion on the streets of Purgatory with Wynonna giving Doc back his gun belt and the promise of Doc always being there for Wynonna, only for their reunion to be interrupted again with no Nicole insight. Seriously, this should be called Wynonna Interrupted.

Speaking of Nicole and Waverly, they are taking a time out on the stairs with Nicole rhyming off everything she loves about Waverly like she has been gone for years with her giving Waverly her ‘Yes’. But Waverly can’t get over how much Nicoles hair has changed since she saw her two days prior. RED FLAG RED FLAG!

Nicole’s hair isn’t the only thing that’s changed…The town has too. Scaffolding has taken up residence in the streets with bodies hanging from it and kids playing hockey underneath. Maybe it isn’t so creepy after all then, or is it just that the kids are used to it?

Nicole explains what happened to her while Waverly was in the Garden. She came back to the Homestead after Wynonna went into the garden. How long ago was that do you ask? Well, how does 18 months, three weeks and four days sound?

Oooooh Lordy! What was an EPISODE! So much happened, and I didn’t even get to talk about the quips! There were so many good ones from Wynonna and Rachel’s Quip Offs in Zombieland and then just from Wynonna and Nicole themselves! This episode was a lot and I was not emotionally prepared for it going into it, but was anyone? Also, are any of us still alive after THE scene? Anyway, episode three out next week should be ‘totaliter stupet balls’ with Melanie Scrofano directing and I personally cannot wait to have the Monday after off work for my Earp Hangover! (and to write the next recap of course). Until then, Earp it up!

-Written by Christine

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