“Wynonna Earp” 409 Recap – Purgatory’s Tastiest Brain with a side of Chicken Kickers.

Previously on Wynonna Earp:

-Halloween in Purgatory with Rotten Jack carving humans instead of pumpkin

-Weird fog that brain wipes people and definitely isn’t a surprise Rihanna Concert and wiped Robin

-Amon decided to play Game Show Host

-Earp Sister times

I think we are all caught up now so let’s jump right in!

A real Purgatory Stand-Off is going down in the BBD offices between Nicole and Wynonna. Quips are not the only thing going down as the boxing gloves are on with the pair sparring only to be interrupted by Waverly. It is all a rouse to try and get Nicole back into the Cop Shop to try and get her to take up the mantle of Sheriff again (what with Holt being all shot dead by Wynonna and all that). Nicole’s boxing moves may need some work, but her deflections do not and she nopes out of there faster than me at a horror movie leaving Wynonna and Waverly to deal with the boring townfolk.

This is everything that I never knew that I needed in my life!

In a dark alleyway, a man starts running away only to trip over some feet poking out from some garbage bags. Two bite marks appear to be on his neck, and I know what you are all thinking. Vampire, Vampire, Vampire. Right? The good news is that someone found him. Less than good news is that it’s a werewolf who found him and instantly has a panic attack and howls out.

Nicole is bumming it in Shortys trying to get some beer but Nedley is having none of that and drags her into setting up for trivia night. The entire fam is in on getting Nicole to be sheriff again but that soccer jersey she was wearing earlier comes in handy and she saves again with the conversation turning to Rachel and how she let Billy escape from the basement.

Back from a coffee run, Wynonna is having to deal with the small complaints of the townsfolk, like every pharmacy being out of moisturiser and someone painting flames on their car. All small-time stuff that must be boring as hell to Wynonna Earp: Demon Hunter Extraordinaire! Well, something is clearly afoot when Jeremy comes in all PPE’d up with something that’s not cherry pie all over him to grab his latte. At least it clears out the townsfolk!

Honestly! Who puts a whole head of lettuce on a burger or sandwich? McDonalds, thats’s who!

With no working morgue, the BBD office is working overtime trying to figure out who murdered last weeks Trivia Night winner. Everyone in town is OBSESSED with Trivia Night, or they were in on it until eliminated for not knowing who currently plays Spider-Man, which means that this week there will be a new Trivia Night winner. Poor dead guy. Even better is that poor dead guy gets to show off his neck marks to Wynonna who gets excited about talking to Doc and runs off.

Number two for the murder tally is a butcher who is slicing, well something, and he joins the ranks of poor dead guy with marks on his neck.

Only Wynonna would walk into a bar while drinking out of a hip flask. Doc is lording over the bar with some of Amon’s minions and his little storytime is over. Needing some alone time with him, Wynonna sends them away to talk Doc down to her level. Sure she may have shot someone in the back, but Doc is going about murdering people and drinking them dry. Vampires, am I right? Well, not this time. Doc has other ways of getting his freak on, which spurs Wynonna to draw Peacemaker on him. His minions have his back though and no one gives her any answers forcing her to leave.

Shortys basement is pretty lonely now without Billy there but at least Nicole has invited Rachel down to join her. Rachel thinks its a chat about the Gay Agenda, but really it’s about Billy and how they never discuss their problems. Like Billy. Like Chicken Kicker. I’m sure it’s not a chicken kicker from Dominos given that Nicole gets worked up about it instantly. Rachel has spent enough time with Nicole over the last 19 months or so to know how to talk her down and they have a little heart to heart while listening to a Podcast about Lady Gaga.

I would give anything to listen to a podcast about Lady Gaga with these two.

Trying to do downward dog in the makeshift morgue, Jeremy has a book out studying maps for trivia night. Poor dead butcher is poor dead Niles, the latest winner of trivia night at Shortys, but in addition to the marks on his neck, there are also some marks on his arm with some blue residue left on his arm. CSI mode ENGAGED! One head lift later and Waverly has discovered that the inside of Nile’s head is completely empty. It’s jackpot with number one as well with both the brains being emptied from their heads.

Cut to a sweaty guy dressed in a suit eating a sandwich on rye. Brain sandwich it is then for lunch today! Seriously, all you need to do is eat a ton of tuna. That Omega 3 will help you get smart and retain information. How do you think I made it through school? Either way, the brain sandwich is not making this guy any smarter, but it does seem to be making him sicker by the bite.

Back in CSI: BBD, Jeremy and Waverly have created a murder board with letters cut out from a Cricut machine and string after raiding the only craft store in town for supplies while Wynonna uses one of the morgue slabs complete with a dead body as a coffee table. Trivia Night is at the forefront of their minds with Waverly and Jeremy fighting their case for Whodunit Purgatory Edition: Demon or Human. Jeremy and Wynonna are placing their bets on a demon with Waverly on the side of a human, but before they can get to the killing of each other, they are saved by the quacking duck.

I’m sure these two would have a field day in my room which functions as a bedroom/living room/office/craft room.

The complainant this time is someone who saw domestic violence on the street with a guy shouting at a woman that he owned her before throwing into his car. With no other information to go on apart from flames painted on the side of his car, Wynonna and Waverly head off to investigate while Blue Devils 51 tells Jeremy that they told him to eat shit, so he did. Finally a literal shiteater in this show! (I never thought I’d say that)

In suburbia with a flame painted car sitting on the lawn, not even on a driveway, Wynonna and Waverly knock on the door of lucky contestant number one. With his neatly manicured lawn and hanging planters, our brain meat sandwich eater opens the door. If murdering people to eat their brains wasn’t weird enough, Doug Warner (totally not his name anymore apparently) starts spouting off unsolicited facts about hail and the weather. The inside of his house does not match the outside. Gold bars, guitar amps, popcorn machines litter the inside. In a side room sits the woman who was at his kitchen table earlier furiously typing on her phone beside a hotdog machine. This Doug guy doesn’t seem to be any smarter than he was previously because he instantly tells Wynonna that he is eating a brain sandwich then tries to dig himself out of the hole he has found himself in. Realising this is the person they are after for the murders, Wynonna pulls peacemaker on him but it doesn’t glow. He is just a regular dude. A weird dude with cannibalistic tendencies sure but just a regular human dude. After he pulls Ginny into the room to help him, it doesn’t go his way so he does the only logical thing and throws butcher sliced brain at them all to make his escape through the back door.

Vote for Melanie Scrofano in the CSA’s and #BringWynonnaHome

Wynonna is on Ginny watch, but she is still furiously typing on her phone texting someone. Taking a seat and putting peacemaker on the table it finally glows, but not for the ‘Demon Kuru’, but it glows for Ginny in the orange coat. Turns out Ginny isn’t just a poor damsel in distress, she is actually a genie and Doug/Kuru’s wishes are doing the talking in their co-dependent relationship.

Putting Ginny in the holding cell, Jeremy and Wynonna try to find out more but Ginny is all into the possessive titles for Kuru calling him master and what not. This Ginny doesn’t live in a lamp. Kuru just bumped into her at a bar and it was a match made in heaven. Kuru wants to be the smartest guy in town, so instead of just wishing it so, he has decided to go on a murder spree to eat brain matter sandwiches made of the smartest brains in town to absorb their ‘smarts’ by osmosis I guess (that is kind of the only thing I remember from High School Biology now at this stage). Seems genies in Purgatory don’t follow the same genie rules that we’ve come to know. Yes, you can wish for infinite wishes, but those wishes can only come true if Kuru and Ginny are touching each other and Wynonna is not leaving Ginny’s side. Well except for going to the BBD morgue for Jeremy to show her something.

Is this what a literal Twitter jail looks like?

Jeremy has been searching on WebMD for little known diseases for Trivia Night and came across the Kuru disease. Doug literally named himself after the disease that he has after going all Cannibal Lecter on them. Wynonna doesn’t want to leave until Kuru is caught, but Jeremy MUST go to Trivia Night! It is the finals after all. Wynonna though gets to prove yet again that she deserves to be with the smartest people in the room by realising that Kuru wants to eat the brains of the smartest people in town and one way to find out who that is is to run a Trivia Night to see who is going to win Purgatory Challenge. Starter for 10 anyone?

In the Homestead kitchen, Waverly is still trying to clean brain matter off her shirt while also trying to get Nicole to take on the role of Sheriff again. PTSD kicks in again for Nicole though and she explains that he lost everything when Waverly went into the garden for those 18 months. She lost Waverly and her found family before Holt came in and won the election to be sheriff. She thinks everyone in town hates her, and that is why she hasn’t really been leaving the Homestead but now that she has everyone back, she can be happy with that.

Ginny and Wynonna are having a heart to heart in the drunk tank while everyone heads to Shortys for Trivia Night. Panic attacks are on the menu for the evening with Shiteater calling Nicole out as ‘Chicken Kicker’. He who eats shit should not call people Chicken Kicker. That’s the right proverb, right? All clucking aside, there are more important things for the evening like Trivia so Nicole can’t leave Shortys while it is going on. It looks like it will be going on for a while though with Waverly, Jeremy and Doc all making it through to the final and no one getting an answer wrong. That is until Doc gets an answer about cards wrong, but it’s just the answer on the card that’s wrong. Who wouldn’t believe The Doc Holliday about cards? Either way, he is eliminated but that just means that his brain is now clear to ask why Kuru has not appeared.

Paxman: Your bonuses are on weird obscure diseases that cannibals get after eating brains.

Heart to heart still continuing, Wynonna and Ginny are interrupted from their discussion on if Wynonna is Peacekeepers master or if Peacekeeper is Wynonna’s master by Ginny’s phone going off. Going to get it from the other side of the room is all Kuru needs to walk through the wall and grab Ginny, meaning he gets to make more wishes, like getting Wynonna to let them out of the cell. He has decided he doesn’t just want trivia smart brains, he wants brains of people who are street smart and wishes for Wynonna to say goodbye to hers.

At Trivia Night, Doc is trying to convince Waverly and Jeremy to give up and hunt for Kuru because Wynonna must be in danger, but it is a dead tie between the two and they just can’t stop besting each other at trivia. Doc tries to leave the bar, but he is turned around just like Nicole was.

Wynonna is wished to lay on a gurney in the makeshift morgue while Kuru wishes for a knife after Ginny tries to talk to him about her getting to finish the job. I am getting flashbacks to the Jack of Knives episode with a knife coming for Wynonna’s throat.

I didn’t realise we were back to s1 Wynonna but the Jack of Knives episode is still one of the best.

Nicole is seeking refuge from trivia in the basement, which is actually functioning as a storage basement probably for the first time since Shorty owned the bar way back in season one. They need one of them to either get a question wrong or just to not answer. Looking for a distraction, Nicole heads off upstairs to Rachel and her phone, which has the chicken kicker video and sets it up to cast to the TV in the corner, in full view of everyone who called her out for it when she first got to Shortys. It instantly stops the quizzers in their tracks. The video is out favourite Haught Sheriff storming a supporters evening for Holt while drunk and tossing the all dressed chips everywhere before grabbing a full roast chicken and kicking it for a field goal. At least the butter tarts and baby carrots are safe, right? It is just what Waverly needed though to avoid answering the question leading to Jeremy winning and cancelling the charm on everyone and the doors, meaning that Doc can now leave.

Kuru has Wynonna stuck on the table screaming for help, but Ginny wants it to be quiet and grabs Kuru’s arm so that he can wish for her to stop. He wants an even bigger knife for the job because a penknife is nothing compared to a machete, but even then he still can’t do it. Gagging and coughing, Kuru keels over dead, the kuru disease taking its toll on him and killing him and releasing all of the wishes. Doc didn’t quite make it in time, but at least he is here now and doesn’t hate Wynonna as much as we were led to believe as he runs in the door to save her. Ginny is still there, making excuses and trying to seduce Doc but Wynonna bats his hand away before anything can come of it.

Jeremy is celebrating his win, huge foam hat and all when Nicole decides that she needs to explain her decision to Doc. She needed everyone back and knew that Doc could handle whatever Mam Clanton wanted with him, and if he couldn’t then they would figure it out together. Doc is the only person who can get through to Nicole to make her overcome her fears to become Sheriff again. She is the sheriff Purgatory needs and the sheriff Purgatory deserves right now, and no shiteater is going to say any different! Not if Nicole and Randy Nedley have anything to say about it anyway. No one in Shortys voted for Nicole in the election, but she is THE CHICKEN KICKER and she will be your Sheriff Haught too whether you like it or not! Shit eater Bradley pipes up and say’s that the town does need Sheriff Haught back, and Doc and some other patrons raise their glass to her as well voting her back in.

I would literally die for her.

Ginny with her bag and her texting tries to leave the cop shop, but Wynonna and her gun are there in her way. She tries to plead her case once more but Wynonna sussed her out. All Ginny’s ‘keepers’ turn out the same way in the end and are spurned on in their wishes by Ginny’s requests. She did ask for a more zen atmosphere and tried to get Kuru to let her kill Wynonna (not that it worked). She tries bargaining to help Wynonna stop what’s coming, but Wynonna is her own damn weapon. She tries to play the Doc card, but we all know Doc still loves Wynonna. There is only one way out, and that is to free Ginny once and for all.

And that is all they wrote for this episode. Next week seems to up the ante with Doc disappearing and maybe more garden stuff. Time to pump up the volume. Until next week!

-Written by Christine

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